On love and life and changes...

Our people,

This post is not news to many of you, but it will be to some. 

This is a hard post to write, but you are all such a part of our world we (Brian & Tara) wanted you to hear the words from us, and not from others.  We made the decision earlier this summer to separate, it was not one that was made lightly or quickly, and we hope that this will help you in some way to understand. We don’t want to be a secret that is whispered and wondered about. 

We have become very different people than we were when we met (not shocking given Brian was 27, and Tara only 16). In many ways it’s like we “raised” each other, discovering who we really are, it is ever so bittersweet to discover that these two new people we’ve found are so very different than the wandering kids that fell in love 24 years ago.  We have had a very rocky road over the last many years. Many of you have walked that road with us, with such grace filled love and support.  We are forever grateful, it was not for naught. 

When we were separated for a period of time 8 years ago, we thought it was the hardest thing we’d ever go through, and quite frankly the fact that we came out the other side was an act of God and the restoration and forgiveness we experienced perhaps the greatest miracle we’ll witness in our lifetime.

We’ve wondered often over the past months why we’d come through that only to be parting ways 8 years later, and yet, we both recognize that out of that time came a deep love and respect for each other (if we’re honest, if we’d parted then we probably would have ended up never speaking again).  Today we can say without a doubt that we see each other for who we are and love that person enough to let them be who God created them to be fully and completely...even if it's apart.

As we have battled for our family over the past few years we’ve discovered that we want lives that are in constant conflict with each other — some of these things are small disconnects that have always existed and aren't on their own deal breakers, and some are very complicated issues where our views on the world, our beliefs and our place in them/it differ in ways that simply can’t be reconciled. So, we’ve decided, together, after many years of trying unsuccessful alternatives, to look at the last 24 years and call them a success.

We’ve had a lot of for betters and lot of for worses, but what remains true is we love each other.  Our goal today, and for the rest of our days, is to keep our vow to love each other — and this, after exhausting so many other options and years on our knees, seems is the path to that end. There has been much joy over the years, beautiful little people (now beautiful grown up people), a plethora of puppies, and memories. We want to celebrate what we created together, and hope that you will be able to as well, even as we each grieve our losses as hesitantly take steps into this "new normal" of life apart.

As weird as it may sound, neither of us are leaving angry or resentful (which is a blissful contrast to much of our interactions over the past several years)…although we’d be lying if we didn't say in it’s place is a heaping helping of sad.

Our amazing children, who have walked alongside us in this decision with such grace and maturity and love.  They are without a doubt our greatest pride and joy, and the most beautiful manifestation of the life and love we’ve shared.  We look forward to continuing to watch and support them as they take on the world.  More than anything we want them to see that love is more important than being right, than appearances, and that love, whatever form it takes is worth fighting for. Love is messy to be sure, but it endures. 

We've spent the last several months sharing our home, preparing it for sale, and working together. This week, we closed the deal, passing this beautiful space along to a new family to enjoy.  We have a whopping 20 days to pack up the memories before they move in.

Brian has leased a wonderful condo up at SFU, a few blocks from his office, where he will live with Maisie and Marty (and where T’ea will be able to study, recharge and regroup, particularly when exam times hit)!! Tara, the kids, Chai and Cadence are still on the hunt for a place to call home, but are quite certain the right place will appear at the right time (you know like in the next 20 days or so).

Where to from here? We continue to love you and each other as best we can in our imperfect human way, with—thank goodness—God’s grace and strength.  We will show up to the same events and laugh together.  Brian will be inappropriate and goofy, Tara will shake her head.  Some things won’t change.  If we’re super blessed our kids will fall in love and get married and we’ll pace outside of delivery rooms and try unsuccessfully to calm the other down.  We’ll keep raising adorable puppies, and trade them off to each other when we’re at the end of our ropes. 

Brian is going to drive to Nova Scotia and eat lobster, he might do some other things along the way too, it could happen. Tara will continue to be busy (shocking we know) but she’s also carved out some time to play in February when she will disappear (in the care of dear—if just the right amount of reckless—friends) to find some sun and dancing and ocean and a boat — all her favourite things.

She and T’ea are planning their long overdue trip to Greece for later in the year. Matthew is going to find his way to Asia one way or another (he’s looking for a job if anyone is hiring now that his mother has released him from the “get the house ready to sell” servitude).

In short, life will go on.  We can’t tell you yet what it’ll all look like, but we’ll keep you posted. 

God is good. We are good.

Much love, Brian & Tara
PS Brian wants you to know he suggested "Getting the Heck Out of Dodge" as the title of this post.   Tara wants you to know she is shaking her head at this suggestion, and laughing (her heart is happy because somehow in the midst sad we're still laughing).