Questions I never thought to ask....
I feel desperate to capture a little bit of that special "sumpthin sumpthin" while it's fresh in my mind - in hopes of honouring these amazing—life changing—men and women.
So in no particular order...
Lesson #1 - "Home is wherever you're loved"
Thank you to my beloved Shereen for this one - as a child I lived in 12 homes before I left home at 18 so this was a long overdue refresher. But I can honestly say that my Nixon dorm rooms and little cottage felt like home.
It wasn't the buildings, it was the neighbours...it was curling up in a dorm room (that smelled of sad sailors) in a comfy camp chair while my Gabby sat cross legged on the bed...sharing ideas, hurts and dreams. It was going to get a cup of tea and always being welcomed into the conversation...it was quiet dinners served with equal parts sass and wisdom by Heather...and laughing harder than I had in years as Tanya, Catherine and Shereen applied their superior conflict resolution skills to a particularly arduous challenge (go water go!!!).
I was welcomed and loved by my classmates and profs in a way that caught me completely off guard. So very glad this "home" is one I get to carry with me as I leave...
Lesson #2 - I really enjoy living alone.
I love my family and being surrounded by them - I'm never happier than when I have a house full of people around me to feed and care for. That being said, I know little that is different....I've never lived alone, and there is a little piece of me that was always afraid I would go nuts by myself (seriously....just me and my brain in a room together?!...oy!). While I know that three weeks is not a long time, it was long enough to find out that when I wake up at 2am and need to process - I can (and did) go out for a walk by myself without worrying that I'd wake someone up, or worse leave them worried I'd been abducted by aliens. I like being able to decide on a whim to go for coffee, and not have to do anything except lock the door. I liked being able to organize my space just for me. Let's be clear - I have no desire to live on my own, but am grateful for the knowledge if I ever found myself in the situation that I'd be just fine.
Lesson #3 - Stretching your limits is good for the soul
I arrived at RRU last October, petrified with a very very thick candy coating of "I can do this s#!t" (see lesson #5 for more about this). The reality was I couldn't...but one of our profs informed us his goal was to break our legs so that they could heal stronger. I can attest to the fact that this happened, and the outcome was as he predicted.
This also extended beyond the academic, I was asked during this last residency by the stunning Ms. Tanya if I'd participate in our closing banquet murder mystery, playing the role of "Kitty Reagan" a spinny, infatuated ditz...my internal reaction was RUN!!!!! But I didn't. To be honest, I don't know if I did Kitty justice, but I gave that girl everything I had and had a blast. Wearing the most obnoxious makeup, lashes, nails and big bad 80's hair of my life was strangely liberating and cathartic. Thanks for the opportunity TLG - you rock!
Lesson #4 - Who you are matters
Early in this journey, on of my profs spoke about the importance of purpose - something she said struck me: People need to know what they do matters. Such an important lesson. To express gratitude for what people do, and how they do it.
However, the bigger lesson came on an early morning walk a few days ago. While what we do is important, I realized the larger message I've been given in the last 2 years at RRU is:
Who you are matters.
I've been empowered (by so many people and situations) to find out who I am, to embrace it. To discover that I am an idealist, a researcher (dare I say a scholar), a mother, a wife, a peacemaker, a teacher. It has also been a fantastic privilege to see others find out, in a deeper way, who they are through this program.
Lesson #5 - Authenticity has the power to set you free
Arriving in a Masters program with no undergrad degree is a tough go. The thick candy coating was to hide how petrified I was - the first few days sitting in the much revered David Black's class, I started an electronic "sticky note" on my desktop and wrote down every word and concept I didn't understand...at one point it took over my screen. I made the decision no matter how terrifying, it would live there until it wasn't a page of foreign language. The decision to admit my ignorance wasn't the freeing one though, that was just painful determination.
The freeing decision was telling someone about it. The look of relief that coursed over them was physical...and in turned freed them to be real too.
Authenticity. Go real or go home!
Lesson #6 - Richer and deeper faith can be found in higher education
Tying into lesson #5 was a largely internal battle I feared. As a Christian, I feel at many times like a foreigner in a strange land. I expected that a liberal university context would feel even more so.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
Not only did my classmates and professors engage this aspect of who I am, and invite me to express it authentically, I had the privilege of learning more about their beliefs, some similar to my own, and some very different. I was particularly moved by the many expressions of self and spirituality I encountered through the coastal first nations people on whose land RRU sits.
We shared much in common, in particular was a theme of deep gratitude to our creator for the beautiful surroundings, the amazing opportunity to come together in this place of opportunity, learning, acceptance and respect.
Most surprising of all, was the deepening of my understanding and context of Christianity through the teaching itself - getting to know some of the brilliant philosophers, theorists and scholars that have shaped our world, helped me understand the context of my faith not only in the past but where it sits as the future unfolds.
I've struggled in recent years to live out/express my faith in a real way. While I felt that this is largely connected to sheer exhaustion (which is likely true), it was such an unexpected gift to have my curiousity, desire and devotion refuelled and to find myself drawing deeper and closer to God than I have in a really long time.
Lesson #7 - I love donkeys
I was fortunate to have a story shared with me by a classmate who took Communication for Social Change (aka "Kumbya" class), which I sadly didn't take (taught by an amazing man, Arvind Singhal) about a story from the Bahá'í Faith.
This story changed me. Not only because I do this so often...looking for what is wrong, instead of what is right.
Right. In. Front. Of. Me.
It also introduced me to a theory called positive deviance, which I suspect will change the shape of who I am as a researcher. There is such power in looking at what is right in this world...instead of what is broken. I love fixing things that are broken....and this idea figuratively blew out the cobwebs that clutter my mind when approaching a problem. Simply brilliant.
Lesson #8 - There is something very liberating about being intoxicated amongst great people.
What would a university experience be without a couple of good parties?! I took another step out of my comfort zone (I usually feel incredibly uncomfortable in large groups, even ones I know well) but I attended, and enjoyed several. I had a hard time understanding why and what it was in residence, that so disrupted a lifetime of predictable behaviour? I have always been, even at home with no driving to do, a two drink girl. Hear me clearly here, I'm not talking drinking to stupidity, the worst effects of the escapades in question were discovering I'd been defeated by iPhone autocorrect (much to the amusement of a few 'privileged' SMS recipients), overindulged in candy and didn't hang up my clothes before going to bed. I woke up at 7:30 raring to go for a walk. The change of pattern however, made me wonder what the deal was with the two drink limit:
I'm a bit of a control freak.
There I said it. For reasons I won't get into, I've spent 30+ years avoiding third drinks because I was afraid they would bring out some deeply buried ugly side in me (if I have one, the key to that nasty little lair remains a mystery). The credit for the lesson goes to my wise and beautiful T'ea - having already relinquished so much of my security and control (Lessons 1,2,3,5,6) with such great rewards, continuing down the path of fearlessness was all part of the journey.
I also learned that toasting a monumental amount of work surrounded by good, safe, beautiful people was a liberating, celebratory activity - dancing, singing, laughter and one particular escapade up a turret (thank you Lauren!!) are all memories I will cherish. That and a new found affinity for scotch -- wish I could toast a shared love with my Dad at this particular discovery!
Lesson #9 - Words have the power to heal
Perhaps one of the most powerful lessons I learned came from words - spoken and heard.
It's not a big secret that words have power. I knew this. What I learned is that I had filed certain words in a category labelled "hurt" and some wonderful people found them (and me) one by one. Spoken by new voices, with new context those very same words—once spoken to wound—healed parts of my heart that I thought were irreparably broken.
Thank you Kathy, Gabbs, Arvind, Shereen, April, Jeannine, Sharad and especially my wise Fitch (not only for a few of her own, but for helping me figure out this lesson).
Lesson #10 - Speaking of those friends...
When I decided to go back to school, I expected to learn. I expected to work. I expected to be stretched. I expected a degree at the end. I did not expect this:
Life. Changing. Relationships.
As I sit here, recently arrived home, my heart actually aches a little (who am I kidding...it aches A LOT). Partly at the sheer joy of the people who have given me so much over the past few years...and partly at the realization that our time as classmates is coming to an end. The relationships however...the friendships that have forged in the good (too many moments to count), the bad (wowza it's been a tough time for so many of us) and the ugly (*cough* Squirrel *cough*). Tears of gratitude well up as I write...My friend Corinna posted a quote I love this week:
"If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants"
It captures a in a small way how I feel about my own amazing giants: Gabs, Heather, Jeannine, Yvonne, Corinna, Shereen, Ben, Rachel, Tej, Hailey, Sabrina, Kathy, Lauren, Brittany, Cassie, Sharad, Zoé, Brennan, Amanda, Shelley, Catherine, James, Marni, Tanya, Florene, Elaine, Troy, Eileen, Natasha...(oy, I know I've missed someone...)
It extends beyond to some of the most amazing profs...they have simultaneously challenged and changed me...they've made me nuts and brought me back to earth. They've made me cry, scream and gasp in awe. David, Joshua, April, Deborah, Sue, Gil, Tom, Gordon. I'm particularly grateful to those who have helped me along the way even though I never appeared on their "roster" of students Arvind, Maryanne, Philip & Jenn.
Thanks for posting this, Tara. I loved seeing it through your eyes. I have some regret that I missed some of it, both while I was present and through an early exit, in large part because my own hurts follow me wherever I go, and my anxieties lead me to hide sometimes, particularly with lots of people around. I can get on board with most of your life lessons here. I just wish I could let loose and be fully present more often. Stay in touch!
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