Help Wanted: Fitness Lovers Please Apply
This is a bit of a tangent from my usual posts in that I really, REALLY want comments. Usually I'm afraid of them, or writing for my own joy, in this case I'm writing because I need your help.
As many of you know, I've chosen 2013 to become half the woman I once was. I've hit my 6 week wall and am determined to let it not win this time.
I've read, and heard about people who don't understand why anyone is fat: "If you don't like it just change", "What you really need is willpower", "Just give up carbs", "Just give up meat", "Just give up soft drinks", "Just drink more water". Then my doctor chimes in, a practical fellow, telling me "eat less move more" every time I've asked for weight loss support over the years. So simple. It's obvious that the issue is laziness.
Here's the thing.
Weight loss, (at least for me) is not a physical battle.
I enjoy eating healthy, being active and the great outdoors. I can juice fast without any complaints for 10 days (no food, just freshly juiced fruit and veggies). Weight loss is a deeply emotional battle for me. I was healthy and fit until my 16th year...and that was 17 years ago. There was much about this time that was brilliant, and much that was devastatingly painful, but the part that connected to being fit and attractive resulted in pain. Eating crap makes me feel like crap, but it also keeps me firmly planted in my comfort zone of being unremarkable physically. I mentioned my 6 week wall, it's a wall because it is the point where people start to notice -- usually I've lost 20+ lbs, and I start getting the compliments and I FREAK OUT....bring on the fast food and wine gums because attention such as this is so (irrationally) not ok.
Feel free to judge my messed-upness can't be worse than my own pity party. So I've done a gap analysis. When you realize stuff like this, you need to focus on the positive and the gap is I have none.
Not one positive memory that is vivid enough to overcome the negative.
Not one.
When I push myself to remember feeling strong, I am instantly transported back to rowing as a teenager, and hoisting sails, both of which make me feel instantly melancholy bordering on sad, wistful for a season of my life that has turned.
Right now, exercise, which is desperately needed, results in pain (whether it's arthritis in my knees or asthma that makes me feel like I'm going to DIE).
What I need is to hear is how it makes someone who is not 100+lbs away from a healthy body weight feel. How do you feel when you are running a marathon, cycling up a killer hill, hanging off the side of a rockface or shredding some fresh powder. I'm still in the wheezing, might-actually-die, weak stage. I want to be able to visualize where I'm going, but it feels much like me visualizing a trip to the moon. Be as descriptive as possible, help me experience what I am missing. I think I want it, I know I need 'it', I just don't know what 'it' is...
PS...If you hate it don't tell me...we'll just keep it your little secret.
PPS...If you don't feel comfortable commenting here you can also email/DM me.
As many of you know, I've chosen 2013 to become half the woman I once was. I've hit my 6 week wall and am determined to let it not win this time.
I've read, and heard about people who don't understand why anyone is fat: "If you don't like it just change", "What you really need is willpower", "Just give up carbs", "Just give up meat", "Just give up soft drinks", "Just drink more water". Then my doctor chimes in, a practical fellow, telling me "eat less move more" every time I've asked for weight loss support over the years. So simple. It's obvious that the issue is laziness.
Here's the thing.
Weight loss, (at least for me) is not a physical battle.
I enjoy eating healthy, being active and the great outdoors. I can juice fast without any complaints for 10 days (no food, just freshly juiced fruit and veggies). Weight loss is a deeply emotional battle for me. I was healthy and fit until my 16th year...and that was 17 years ago. There was much about this time that was brilliant, and much that was devastatingly painful, but the part that connected to being fit and attractive resulted in pain. Eating crap makes me feel like crap, but it also keeps me firmly planted in my comfort zone of being unremarkable physically. I mentioned my 6 week wall, it's a wall because it is the point where people start to notice -- usually I've lost 20+ lbs, and I start getting the compliments and I FREAK OUT....bring on the fast food and wine gums because attention such as this is so (irrationally) not ok.
Feel free to judge my messed-upness can't be worse than my own pity party. So I've done a gap analysis. When you realize stuff like this, you need to focus on the positive and the gap is I have none.
Not one positive memory that is vivid enough to overcome the negative.
Not one.
When I push myself to remember feeling strong, I am instantly transported back to rowing as a teenager, and hoisting sails, both of which make me feel instantly melancholy bordering on sad, wistful for a season of my life that has turned.
Right now, exercise, which is desperately needed, results in pain (whether it's arthritis in my knees or asthma that makes me feel like I'm going to DIE).
What I need is to hear is how it makes someone who is not 100+lbs away from a healthy body weight feel. How do you feel when you are running a marathon, cycling up a killer hill, hanging off the side of a rockface or shredding some fresh powder. I'm still in the wheezing, might-actually-die, weak stage. I want to be able to visualize where I'm going, but it feels much like me visualizing a trip to the moon. Be as descriptive as possible, help me experience what I am missing. I think I want it, I know I need 'it', I just don't know what 'it' is...
PS...If you hate it don't tell me...we'll just keep it your little secret.
PPS...If you don't feel comfortable commenting here you can also email/DM me.
Hey Tara,
ReplyDeleteI started exercising again (regularly!) about 8 months ago, and it has made a huge difference in how I feel. It took about 12 weeks to really feel the difference, but now I LOVE exercise. It is so weird, but my body misses it if I don't exercise regularly. Also, the feeling of accomplishment (being able to now hold a plank for a full minute) or the sense of running faster is awesome.
My biggest thing I noticed (and hubby noticed) was this change in my energy level. I now have energy and can enjoy more things in life! I am so impressed by your blog and your changed eating and know you can do it this time and will feel better!
PS - Praying for you :)
Hey Sarah, my blog just decided to notify me of 2 years worth of comments :-( thanks so much for your post! It's definitely a challenge, but it is so worth it. Thanks so much for the prayers too!
DeleteApparently, I go on too long (my "HTML cannot be accepted: Must be at most 4,096 characters). Movin' on to another forum...
ReplyDelete