Through a puppy's eyes...

One of the things I love most about pups is their unconditional love -- they don't care about your ethnicity, age, weight, or even personality (for the most part).  They just love...so long as your hands can deliver a pat or an ear scratch you are good.  You can kick a dog (please don't) and it will come back in hopes that next time that toe will deliver a belly rub or rest quietly to prop up their napping chin. 

Over the past couple of weeks I've encountered a few surprised reactions from people close to me, at the sight of Merlot at the end of a leash.  That I would raise another dog with PADS.  None of them were critical, more just shocked…concerned maybe?  Nonetheless I feel I need to explain myself. Not for my own sake, but for theirs, and most importantly for PADS.

For those of you that are new to my life in the last few years, you should know who this organization was to me before you understand who it is to me.  It was my passion, heart and soul all wrapped up in a furry little coats.  About so much more than cute puppies, this organization takes tiny little fluffballs and turns them into superheros that change lives. 

I worked managing their communications for nearly three years. This is the organization that redeemed communications for me as a field worth pursuing, because of it's power to effect change.  It taught me to be a persuasive, resourceful and innovative communicator.  It stretched and changed me. Forever.  

Because of these incredible people and incredible dogs.  They open doors (literal and figurative), pull wheelchairs, turn lights on and off and more importantly break down barriers that should never exist but sadly do.  Some of these dogs also step into special situations, inspiring and comforting people when life deals a blow, as intervention dogs. Ask my dear friends how their PADS dog has changed their life.  I dare you to hear their stories and not cry… Sarah & Matt & Skyler, Nicole & Leroy, Anya & Leahy, Jamie & Becker, Lindsey & Silky, Lisa & Rowan, Clay & Ember, Sare & Fraser, Kim & Caber….the list goes on and on.

When I left PADS I cried for weeks, not continuously, but the kind of crying that overtakes darkness and soaks your pillow when no one else is around. I didn’t pine.  I got to work….within a week I had 3 job offers and picked the one I thought would take the least amount of emotional energy.  I needed to heal.

I still had my beloved friends and pups.  But I was on the outside of something that in many ways had consumed me.  I felt like I'd lost a limb...that sounds so melodramatic, but it was literally years before I could drive past Gaglardi without physical pain coursing into my chest.  It's not something I expect people to understand, it just was. Despite what many think it wasn't in many ways about what happened or didn't happen, it was about me. It's taken me three years to figure that out.

I understand it now because I look back with nothing but sincere gratitude for what leaving meant for my life.  When I left PADS I had to figure out who I was (again). 

Without a puppy...and in many ways a purpose.

As it turns out I'm pretty ok at what I do and I really love it, whether it's communicating about canine life changers, or energy conservation.  Leaving meant I've had the opportunity to work for, and learn from some unbelievably amazing people at FortisBC.  They've taught me what's it's like to work as part of a massive communicating machine of awesome (as opposed to as a team of 1!) and they have been an incredible support.  I went in for a temp job – secretly hoping I’d sort mail for a few months in closet so no one would know I was a basket case!  Instead they put me to work doing what I’m best at and encouraged me, and gave me the confidence to pursue my degree, not to mention a paycheck that allows me to support my family and go to school - something that would have been impossibility on a non-profit salary.  I can't begin to tell you how school has changed me...and the amazing people it's brought into my life. 

So yes I’m back at PADS.  Strangely it took someone I'd never met... who had walked much the same road as I (even more strangely 10 years apart), to be able to guide me back. Not sure if Laura drew the short straw when it came time for someone to call me …but I'm glad she did.  She has the patience of a saint.  Allowing me to decide what and how and when, largely behind the scenes…and become a beloved friend in the process.

A year ago I told her I didn’t think I’d ever be able to raise again, it was just too much risk.  This week she’s been throwing a party that “I’m back”. I keep telling her I’ve been back for nearly a year….but I get it, by taking this baby, I took a risk and committed fully.  Quite frankly signed my life away to her for 14 months (horrors J).

But that’s the funny thing people, it wasn’t a risk.  I didn’t skip a beat.  I’m doing nothing but looking forward to the months ahead, adventuring with Merlot, catching up with people I’ve missed. Making a difference. 

I’m taking the lead from the pups…unconditional is the way to go. 

Anyone want to join me?

PS...I actually was going to write a post about how the organization has changed....but went a different direction because quite frankly it hasn't.  It's just been incredibly uncovered in a brand new way for what it always was, and allowed to shine.  Beautiful, life changing and humbling.