May 2014 bring you some crap....
"The New Year's Resolution That Will Change Your Life...
This is the most important message anyone can hear if they want 2014 to be the best year of their life:
Do whatever you can to feel good, because when you feel good, life will be good. The better you feel, the better life will get! Think about, talk about, and focus on the areas of your life that make you feel good, and temporarily keep off the subjects that don't make you feel good. When you do this one simple thing, everything in your life will get better, whether that's better relationships, health, money, or better circumstances with your job. Nothing in your life can ever improve until you feel better, and when you feel better, everything will improve. Make feeling as good as you can your number one priority for 2014, and it will be the best year of your life!".
The post actually made me angry. And here is why.
Many of the things I've done this year have not felt good, most of them (not all) I could have chosen a better "feeling" option.
- I did my research TWICE. I didn't have to, I had an out, I could have short-cutted to finish. To accomplish this I had to go for nearly 4 months on 3-4 hours of sleep a day. It was terrible and every morning I fought back tears.
- I quit my job. There were a lot of tears and sadness and sleeplessness around this decision. There was so much fear. Big. BIG. Fear.
- I got stung by nasty wasp in Mexico. In the words of the ER doc "you're lucky you got back in time, another day and you could have lost your leg"
- I scooped sooo much poop. 14 puppies worth (for roughly 5 weeks give or take). It's the very very worst part of puppies...unless you count when they wake up and start wailing 5 minutes after you finally drift off to sleep after doing all the laundry they soiled during the day.
- My grandmother died. Losing her was sad. Grieving her was heartbreaking.
- I didn't know how to be the friend I wanted to be. My friend Judy was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she is also the mother of my Melissa. I am angry and mad and sad all at once. I don't know how to be a friend in this situation. I have never done it before. It makes me scared and not feel good.
- Celebrated my Mom's 70th year
- Built a family their very first home (and no wasp stings could suck even an ounce of that kind of joy away)
- Welcomed PADS Puppy Merlot into the family (the least poopy of them all)
- Saw my baby girl graduate (and officially fall for the delightfully wonderful Nic)
- Quit my job (with no concrete plan....) -- hands down the best/most liberating experience of my life
- Finished my research on Authenticity -- and learned so much about myself through the process and the outcomes
- Started my own business -- and ended my first year ahead financially of where I'd have been if I'd stayed at my job.
- Drove across North America (so couldn't have done that if I hadn't quit the job!)
- Fulfilled dream of becoming a university instructor when I started teaching at SFU (ditto in the job quittage perks department)
- Celebrated my grandmother's life and saw my entire family in one place for the first time EVER.
- Graduated from RRU (every sleepless night worth the feeling of walking across that stage!)
- Sent 14 (loud, smelly, adorable, ridiculous, worth-it) PADS puppies-in-training on their way into the next stage knowing that they got the best possible start I could give them. With a lot more work, these little fluffballs will someday change lives in life altering, heart-breakingly beautiful ways.
- I got to walk alongside Mel and Judy in their journey and witness the most beautiful kind of courage...BEAUTY, LIFE and JOY. It has been a privilege, and taught me that it is not at all about me. It's also not about being the friend I want to be, but rather just being present and being expectant in looking for opportunities to love on 'em.
They are the reason it all matters...and are perfect in ways I cannot begin to describe. I try not to get into it, because I really don't want to make all the other kids jealous...I literally have the BEST family in the Universe. Hands down. (Sorry, it needed to be said...I've kept it a secret for too long...I'm also deeply sorry if it shatters your dreams of holding that title.)
I remember years ago feeling hopelessly lonely, wishing to be "happy", trying so hard to "be happy"...wondering why I was so miserable and alone. Somewhere along the way I gave up wishing and striving for happiness (thank you God!) and feeling sorry for myself...and then somewhere (further along the way) these people started parachuting into my life and simply haven't left (thank goodness!!). The ones I mention here have been present almost daily this year (though there are so many others it's almost embarrassing...and I love you too!!). I actually had to put these ones in alphabetical order because there is simply no rhyme or reason or ranking...
- Amy makes sure my faith, hilarity, and and taco supply are all flowing at an appropriate rate.
- Dana has been a fabulous partner in crime and mentor as I tackle self employment. Bonus: such a beautiful friend!
- Heather keeps me real, at all times, and (so selflessly) allows me to live vicariously through her (and indulges this with an abundant number of stunning photos/texts). Not to mention 6000KM worth of driving, laughter (and the most amazing tacos/pork loin/ice cream America had to offer)...need I say more?!
- Kathleen (as always) inspires me daily to be more than I am -- she is organized, passionate, abundant in her love for me and puts up with my delayed texting with so much grace.
- My farm fairy (Keryn) knits all things together for good and makes my heart grow three sizes every time I'm with her.
- Laura is my late night/early mornin'/any time/anywhere soul sister. Someone should give her an honourary degree in medicine for how she was able to repair my wounded heart...and how she strengthens it daily!
- Melissa simply is my friggen hero -- I want to be you when I grow up -- I know our year has been different, but it's been stunningly beautiful too.
- "My Sue" (co-mother to Merlot) has been the most unexpected source of joy and wisdom. She reminds me continuously of the importance of speaking love into the lives of those close to me and celebrating: Every. Single. Moment.
- Tess, she's been my cousin since the day I was born, but this year became one of my dearest friends. She inspires me every time I talk to her, and is brilliantly beautiful in every possible way...and I'd also like to think that she moved all the way across the country just to make me smile!
- ...and last but certainly not least my amazing Brian, T'ea, Matthew, Mom, Ryan, Jackie and Chuckies you are beautiful beyond words. My heart explodes at the thought of who you are, how you inspire me and how you support me.
I wish you all enough... enough grace, faith, love, joy and provision...
But I'm going to add to her words, I also wish you all the opportunity to choose some hard shit over some "do whatever you can to feel good". Because it is in that crap that I have found the greatest joy. We find strength, we find ourselves and if we're extra blessed we find each other.
Be well. Be blessed and thank you for 2013. I look forward to sharing 2014 with you.
I love this. I love you.
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